it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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