Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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