apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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