so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
