Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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