in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
