It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
