my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is Oprah even human
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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