theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
