In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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