Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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