you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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