i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
