oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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