he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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