i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
