I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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