I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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