i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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