I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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