Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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