We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
