Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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