don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
