just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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