He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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