Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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