i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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