Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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