i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
