Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
