Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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