I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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