Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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