How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
