Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
