In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
