...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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