Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
