I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
