last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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