So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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