too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
