speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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