i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
