dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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