There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
