still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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