What a fucking waste of an outfit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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