you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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