I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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