if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
