meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
