that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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