dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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