Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
