I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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