I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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