i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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