It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
