we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
