I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
