need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
