yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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