I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
