We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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