Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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