i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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