i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
