I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
