dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize