I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
