Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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