we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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