does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
