I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
